Lude and Nude: A Weekend Alone with Kyle Brown

A weekend to discover the substance of this "european experience" that is supposed to broaden my sense of self and "paradigm" of other cultures...? Will I unleash the power within me that will purify the weak, wandering, and become an honest human that lives by his own "conduct?" Will remembering the lyrics to "Wagon Wheel" make me "fit in with new friends more?" Should one walk down the stairs with hands in pockets? When is it "okay" to fuck a fat girl? Will i stop harrassing cab drivers? All of these questions will be answered in the First Annual Crude, Lude, and Nude dans Bohemia!

The Michiganers leave for Amsterdam and I am left with the trashed mess from the festivities of John's Birthday. The night, Wednesday, was filled with Americans humping each others legs and men fighting each other over who's their girl. I get kicked out for the 2nd time in a row; towards the end of the night I just want to terrorize the bouncers in the establishment. Jessica, the Alaskan Disaster, passes out and is being accosted to get the fuck out by the bouncer. Shouting ensues, he tries to grab her arm and i stand up, weighing half the size of him, and shove him off ensuring he won't use force to move a lady. After returning home, drinking champagne, and making potato-egg-cheese burgers the house is left looking like the Port Au Prince aftermath.
But anyways, its Thursday night and i have tickets to the Liverpoool match. Drink heavily on the tram there and get noticed by some English blokes. Me and these old fellows get out and walk through a very desolate park. I break off and find myself in a gang of 'Pool hoodlums. We're right by the stadium and mounted police men are escorting us as cops in full riot uniform are preventing fans from throwing glass shards. I'm out of there before I get tagged. Into the game and in my seats. Beautiful stadium and looking at the field is breathtaking. The magnitude of witnessing a real Europa league game is really special; just seeing the bright green pitch was enough to give me goosebumps. I wound up on the 4th row right in front of the '18 and behind the nearest goal were the Liverpool faithful. Kuyt, Carragher, Merieles, Maxi Rodriguez, Skrtel, Reina, Lucas, all playing a little one touch right in front of me. It was giddy but i was wearing a Sparta scarf so my smiles were held back. The roar of the crowd when the players were introduced was fantastic- putting up my colors for the home squad was so cool. WOOH but the game was fucking terrible (long story short)- maybe 2 shots on goal total and no creativity, im done talking about. i went home in the huge crowd of disillusioned fans with hands near frostbite and went to sleep. mer.
Wake up Friday and the room mates leave. I plug in my amp into the wall and it immediately short circuits the whole apartment and sends the amp to its grave. My electric guitar playing without any complaints is ruined and im left stacking juice, meat, fruit, and a carton of eggs out on the porch so they won't go bad. Was left playing the guitar for most of the dreary day, playing "Late Nite Soccer" over and over and actually had one really impressive take; discovered a new tone for my voice and though its been hard to recreate after hearing it i think i can take it somewhere. Clean the whole apartment while listening to Neil Young, The Replacements, missing Otis Redding, and schedule a rendez vous with the Jen & Lauren. Their apartments cool but in the only area of Prague where i've seen Czech gangsters loitering the streets. Chinese food also aint bad hurr. Long story short we hang out and talk about their innocent drug habits, NYU norms, trips and stuff, i dont know. They drink Riesling and talk about their going out uniforms, i didnt relate. We go to what they call "Cute Bar," since the sign has lost multiple letters. Very awesome place, had a minature dollhouse type set up where different sections of the bar can be reached by seperate staircases and all had an open face from one angle... like an open dollhouse. We all talk for hours and its quite wonderful not quite sure what about but it was 11 and we left at 3. I got a taxi home and decided not to heckle. Too tired. Home alone and want to watch something. Go to sleep.
Wake at 12 and talk to Noah on Facebook. Make my new famous breakfast dish, Spinach, Onion, & White Cheddar Omelette. Get lost a lil bit but find my way to the Salvador Dali Exhibit. Talking art with Noah's really fun, especially about something as eccentric as Dali. Didn't realize he was so self involved and mostly used his own appearance as his interpretation. One of the rooms his "25 Interpretations of Salvador Dali (if its in 3rd person, you know he's a cheeseball). Incredibly confusing, often hidden images amongst the chaos of the portrait. Lots of animals, spoons, elephants, bees, all interacting in a sort of Chutes And Ladders type construction. And every single of them depicted his penis in an enormous manner, whether it was a cactus that a man was straddling or a man with something fallic being laid on a wheel to be carried. I didn't take pictures for the "sanctity for the art," but i at least shouldve snapped one or two of these guys. They were puzzling but incredibly inventive. Me, Oona Noah, the cheerleader Britney, and the nice queer boy, Andrew travel to the globe for Irish Coffees and Scrabble. Then off to the USAC dorm and heavy drinking ensues. Mr. Max, a Midwestern cowboy with a great taste for Ryan Adams, pulls out the guitar and the fest of bad Chromeo turns to singalong. "Wagon Wheel" may be the most universal American tune of this era, i have never seen that many different people get up and sing so jubialantly to a song in my life. The metro trip involved us fearlessly sliding down the 80 foot long escalators, encountering a treacherous herd of luggage on wheels, and surfing the subway train, being completely proud of our American boisterous. We go to USUDU and carouse the cavernous spaces. Smoking inside fucking owns. Found a foosball room and challenge some Czechs, i master the offensive twisties and take down the regulars. The girls are getting more annoying as the night goes on and im fed up. Big girl been there done that and not having it and me Noah and the new Dan decide to walk home. This involves Noah getting his stolen beer mug stolen by a trashman ("What gives you the right sir? That is my property!") Drunken bratwursts, Lays "Grilled Bacon" flavored chips, road Gambrinus', and meeting some Czech teens and picking on their pipsqueak friend. Make it to Noahs apartment. Find a bed without a girl i'll regret and sleep until 12.
Go to Bohemia Bagel and get bottomless fountain drinks (!!!!!!!!!)
That's a wrap, hey hey hey momma leave me like you found me. Will start taking pictures to go along with posts.

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